soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
