so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
