Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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