I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize