did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
