Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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