I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
