now i know why i became what i already was.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
