im having a threesome with these popsicles
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
