My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
