Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
