i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
