Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
