allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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