there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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