5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
