Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
