If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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