How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
