so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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