Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
