oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
