the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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