so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
