i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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