Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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