Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
