Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
