so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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