A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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