i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize