I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
