happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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