Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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