another moral hangover. fuck.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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