i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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