I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
