The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize