My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
