It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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