wanna go halves on a baby?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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