the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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