Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
