where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
