im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize