you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize