i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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