I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There r osticjed everywhere
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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