He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
