i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my shit smells like andre
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
