You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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