you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
