...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
