im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
