Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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