Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
