I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
