saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
