he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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