I love black thongs
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
