3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
