i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think i got beer on your cat.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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