"it" just moved
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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