My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
