Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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