I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
