I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
