the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
