I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
